Looking for some laughter that’s totally elemental? These chemistry jokes and puns are the perfect reaction to your boredom.
Whether you’re a science nerd or just love a clever pun, this list has something that’ll make you crack up like a covalent bond under pressure.
1. What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium?
HeHe.
2. Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
Because they’re cheaper than day rates.
3. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.
4. I asked the guy at the chemistry store if he had any sodium hypobromite…
He said, “NaBrO.”
5. Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
6. Gold is the best element…
Because it’s Au-some.
7. What’s a chemist’s favorite type of dog?
A lab.
8. What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
9. I told a chemistry joke once…
There was no reaction.
10. What is the most musical element?
Barium — it’s always dropping the bass.
11. What do you call a clown in jail?
A silicon.
12. Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends argon.
13. How did the chemist survive the jungle?
By avoiding ion traps.
14. What did the element say after a breakup?
“I think we lost our bond.”
15. What’s a chemist’s favorite game?
Periodic table-tennis.
16. Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
He got Avogadro’s number!
17. What’s a chemist’s favorite sci-fi movie?
Titration Wars: A New Molarity
18. Why are chemists excellent for solving problems?
They have all the solutions.
19. What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
SWAG
20. Chemists do it on the table…
Periodically.
21. Why was the pH book so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
22. What do you call a fish made of sodium?
2 Na.
23. Why did the chemist only write in lowercase?
Because he couldn’t find his capital letters on the periodic table.
24. Never trust a noble gas…
They don’t react to anything.
25. What did one ion say to the other?
I’ve got my ion you.
26. What do you call Iron blowing up?
Fe-Boom!
27. What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
“You measure up.”
28. Why did the acid go to the gym?
To become a buffer solution.
29. How do you know when a chemist is in a bad mood?
They start reacting violently.
30. Why did the chemistry teacher break up with biology?
There was no chemistry.
31. How did the chemist fix the broken flask?
With a little bonding time.
32. What do you call a chemical brother?
An alkaline sibling.
33. What’s a pirate’s favorite element?
Arrrr-gon!
34. What did sodium say when it saw chlorine?
NaCl!
35. Why do chemists love working with ammonia?
Because it’s pretty basic.
36. I would tell you a good chemistry joke…
But I’m afraid I wouldn’t get a good reaction.
37. What is a chemist’s favorite kind of tea?
Chemis-tea
38. Why was the atom so judgmental?
It was always positive or negative.
39. Why do chemistry students dread the mole?
Because it’s mol-iciously confusing.
40. Why do biochemists make great friends?
They know how to build strong bonds.
41. What does a chemistry teacher say before serving dinner?
Bon atom-tit!
42. How does a chemist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints.
43. What’s a chemist’s favorite tool?
The beaker — it’s always breaking new ground.
44. Why are electrons so negative?
Because they’re always being pushed around.
45. Why do chemists love their work?
Because it’s element-ary, my dear Watson.
46. What did the compound say to its elements?
“I’m nothing without you guys.”
47. Why was the chemistry lecture so boring?
Because the professor was overreacting.
48. What’s a chemist’s favorite pickup line?
“You must be made of copper and tellurium, because you’re Cu-Te.”
49. What do you call a chemical plant worker who tells jokes?
A comedi-mole.
50. Why did the element go to therapy?
It had too many unstable issues.
51. Why can’t hydrogen ever date?
Because it’s always bonding with someone else.
52. Why was the lab assistant always calm?
Because he had a buffer personality.
53. What did the catalyst say?
“I’m just here to speed things up.”
54. Why are protons always confident?
They’re positively sure of themselves.
55. What is Santa’s favorite element?
Ho-Ho-Ho-lmium!
56. What did H2O say to CO2?
Stop being so gassy.
57. What does a chemist do when they’re hungry?
Grabs a byte of acid.
58. What’s chemistry without the jokes?
Just a bunch of boron.
59. Why did the scientist take up gardening?
Because he had a natural reaction to plants.
60. Why did carbon date hydrogen?
Because they had a covalent connection.
61. What’s an element’s favorite sport?
Table tennis — on the periodic table.
62. Why did fluorine break up with chlorine?
Too much reactivity in the relationship.
63. Why are metals so full of themselves?
Because they think they’re conductive.
64. What’s a chemist’s favorite type of story?
A reaction thriller.
65. Why did the chemistry student sleep in class?
Because the class was boron again.
66. What’s the most attractive group on the periodic table?
Group 1 — they’re highly reactive.
67. What is mercury’s favorite activity?
Liquid rock climbing.
68. Why do chemists never play cards?
They hate suspense.
69. What does a lab rat read?
The Periodical.
70. How do you make a hormone?
Don’t pay her… or just add a catalyst.
71. Why are laboratory flasks so clingy?
They always want to bond.
72. Why didn’t the neutral atom fight?
Because it had no charge in the matter.
73. What do you call an educated tube?
A graduated cylinder.
74. Why did Einstein hate chemistry?
Because it was relatively boring.
75. What happens when you mix sarcasm and science?
A caustic reaction.
Read: Common Chemistry Interview Questions